My love of food goes back to as far as I can remember. I was always sneaking food, hiding wrappers and feeling like I was so bad. It wasn’t that I was hungry, I just needed to keep eating. No one around me seemed to have the same need. They could have a piece of cake or a few cookies and leave it at that. But not me.
In my early teens I got really scared of being fat. I worried about what I looked like all the time. When I wasn’t thinking about what I looked like, I was thinking about what I wanted to eat, but shouldn’t. I was either on a diet, or eating everything I could get my hands on.
Then I learned about bulimia. I thought it was the perfect solution to my problem. If I couldn’t stop eating, I’d just throw it up. That was a whole new level of shame and hiding and it never served the purpose of controlling my weight.
My preoccupation with my body and food came and went over the years with the ebbs and flows of my body dissatisfaction. Each new diet or exercise program offered new hope. Each failure provided fuel for more binging and more dissatisfaction.
During my first year studying to be an naturopathic doctor, I hit a whole new low of body confidence. I felt like I needed to be perfect in how I ate and what my body looked like. People were always watching, or so I thought.
One day, while looking for the next best diet at the bookstore, I found a book called “It’s not about food”. It was the first non-diet solution that I had heard of. And it resonated with me. Finally, I felt like I was on the right path.
For the next 10 years I worked with that book, Geneen Roth, Intuitive Eating, Tony Robbins…any self help book that I could find. I ate it all up. And I was getting better. My purging stopped. My binging episodes were fewer and farther between. It was still happening when life got to be too much to handle. But at least it wasn’t lasting as long and wasn’t happening as often.
Then I had my son. My world changed literally overnight. My binging came back with a vengeance. Bulimia was hot on its tail.
I was devastated. I had really thought that all of this was behind me. I didn’t know where to turn. Being a Naturopath I felt a huge amount of shame. I didn’t’ want anyone to know about this relapse. Heck, no one even knew it had been part of my history. I hadn’t told a soul except my husband.
I needed to gain control. This was not going to take me down without a fight.
Over the next few years I put in a lot of trial and error. I figured out what worked and what didn’t. It was a roller coaster of feeling like I’d figured it out followed by crashing into a binge realizing that I hadn’t. But each success built on the one before, and each failure provided lessons about what to avoid next time.
I took theses success’s and failures and developed a modeled process that I started to share with my naturopathic patients to help them fast track what I had done. And just like me, they started to get results. They stopped binging and started to trust themselves again.
If you’ve been avoiding doctors due to shame, you don’t have to anymore.
Book a free meet-the-doctor with me today and let’s work together to get your health back.
Dr. Kerri Fullerton, ND, is a registered Naturopathic Doctor in Ontario. After completing her Bachelor of Science at the University of Guelph, Kerri went on to complete a four-year post-graduate diploma at the Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine (CCNM). CCNM is one of only two accredited schools of Naturopathy in Canada.
Since 2004, Kerri has been a part of the Barrie and surrounding area community.