His Funeral was My Funeral

 

His funeral was my funeral in more ways than one.  It was my funeral because it was the end of my life as I knew it. It was also a glimpse at what my funeral would look like.

Steve died so suddenly that we didn’t have a chance to speak of his wishes around a funeral or celebration of life. I knew what he did for both his parents who pre-deceased him. And I knew the core and essence of Steve and who he was. So, choosing how to celebrate his life was easy. My wonderful sister was the project manager and dealt with all the details and delegated with the rest of the family and friends who were helping. His Celebration of Life was exactly how he would have wanted it to be.

But it was my funeral too. The life that I knew was over. A chapter was closing. One that I didn’t want to close at all. That I was extremely happy with.

It was like my world was a snow globe and someone shook it so hard that I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t walk straight and the snow storm flew all around me. When the snow settled, I didn’t recognize my world anymore.

However, one of the lovely things about his Celebration of Life was that it showed me how much love and support we have and I have. Our family, many of my friends, old camp friends, networking colleagues and supporters came out, quite of few of whom had never met Steve or only met him a couple of times.

It showed me how much I was loved. I could imagine what my Celebration of Life would look like with all of these amazing people.

So why do I share this with you? Because there are people around you who love you and support you. You are not alone even when you feel like you are. There are people who would do anything for you and show up for you. They believe the world is a better place because you are in it. So reach out. Ask for help. Ask for a hug. Ask for what you need. You’re worth it and the people who know the true you know you’re worth it too.

Dr. Whitney

For more about living our lives as while raising our kids, join me and other moms as we raise happy, healthy, & hearty kids without the Mommy Guilt in my private group called Guiltless Grace.

The Monopoly on Missing Him

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The Monopoly on Missing Him

I’ve been so focused on myself and my own grieving. I’ve come to believe that no one else can truly be suffering and missing Steve like I can. Like I get to win the prize of Best Griever. Yay me!

While there is some truth to that, Steve was my husband and we truly knew each other inside and out. He was my best friend in the whole wide world. We shared 10 wonderful years together.

But he wasn’t only mine. He didn’t belong to me. He belonged to the world.

He shared his light, love and joy with everyone. He lived many years without me. Came from a loving family, made lifelong friends with his buddies and shared his joy with countless loved ones and strangers alike.

Steve had a way of making you feel like you were the only one in the room. That everything you said mattered, was important and was exciting! He was thrilled for you for every little success.

I’m just realizing bit by bit that the ripples he made in this world were not just in my world but everywhere.

I felt like I had the monopoly on missing him. But I’m not an island. We are all connected and he was and still is connected to us all. Even as you read this and if you’ve never met him, you are still affected by him.

Steve made every person feel important no matter what they were doing. Every server at a restaurant, teller at a bank, receptionist or service person. He learned their name, used it, and became a loyal fan.

So, can we still miss our loved ones and wallow in our grief? Sometimes.

But, we can remember we’re not alone. There are others who miss them too and are suffering too. And if we can focus on the joy, love and lessons, we will be so much happier.

I find great joy in sharing all I know about Steve with my daughters. They are still so young but I can tell them about Daddy’s favourite things, his values and how he appreciated life. This way he will still live on and I don’t have to be as sad.

Sharing with them and our family and friends helps me to feel more joy. In our culture it seems taboo to talk about someone who has died. No one wants to really talk about Steve probably for fear of making me sad. I can’t speak for everyone going through loss but for me I like talking about him and his life and our life together. It’s important, he matters and he will for a long time.

So my wish for you today is to:

  1. Remember your loved ones with joy
  2. Talk about them with others who loved them
  3. Remember that you are never alone

Love Whitney