The Hating is Dissipating

My youngest daughter is enjoying her gymnastics class a lot. It’s a parent and tot class so each of the little ones has a parent with them to assist with all the cute moves they’re doing.

A couple weeks ago there were just 4 kids there with an adult. We did their warm-ups of jumping, bear walks and walking on tip toes. It was already 10 minutes into the class before I realized that all the other parents were Dads. I was the only Mom there. A year ago I would have noticed immediately and have been devastated, hating the Dads and their cuteness with their kids. Their loving hugs and connection with their children.

But the hating is dissipating. I don’t feel as angry. I don’t feel as empty. It’s there still…the sadness, the longing for the way things should be. But peace is slowly creeping into my life.

Learning to live this new life is a day to day exploration. Figuring out how this is going to work without Steve. He was a light and rock in our lives. He was our cheerleader.

So, if your life is not working out the way you’ve hoped here’s some of the things I’ve done to help me over the last 2 years.

  1. Take Care of You – I’ve put a big emphasis on taking care of me so I can take care of my kids. Going to bed early, eating well, seeing my counsellor, going to the gym etc. What small changes can you make to your day which would be a bit more kinder to your body, mind and spirit?
  2. Find your Passion – I’ve done a lot of self-reflection over the last year. When death hits so close to home people often reflect on their life. Are they living the life they want? I’ve refined my business to grow the parts I really want to do more of. I’ve tried out different hobbies and keep exploring who I am so I can find joy today and not put it off. I know too well that life is too short.
  3. Enjoy the Now – I have been actively working on my inner game, my mental state. I could complain about how hard my life is (sometimes I still do) or I can embrace the gifts I’ve been given. My 2 healthy, brilliant little girls who are strong-willed and funny. It’s not all roses and picture-perfect moments but I’m grateful for my kids. So, each day, I’m learning to enjoy the now, the present moment.

So yes, the hating is dissipating. It’s being replaced by love and gratitude. I hope your hate is leaving too.

If you want more support, click here to join me in my private Facebook group Guiltless Grace.

Talk soon,

Daddy Duties

Daddy Duties

The first time my windshield fluid went dry in my minivan, I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. Dread came over me. This was the first time in so many years that I was going to have to do this on my own.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m an accomplished, feminist type of woman. I used to check my own oil, put air in my leaking tire and put windshield washer fluid in my car. You know, the relatively easy stuff.

But I hadn’t had to do that in years. Steve always took care of this for me and topped it up for me.

There are countless other mundane chores at home that he thoughtfully took care of and now it all falls to me.

That dread of oh…THIS…THIS is something I’m going to have to do ON MY OWN again. And it’s not a big deal, right? Buying a jug of fluid, opening my hood and pouring it in while trying not to spill the whole thing. Not a big deal.

But it was just another reminder that he’s not here. He’s not here to take care of me anymore.

Last week it was the propane tank. I used to buy propane in university for our BBQ that I shared with my friends. But that was almost 10 years ago.

So, here’s 3 steps to hating those Daddy Duties then Conquering Them. You can do it. I believe in you.

  1. Feel Sad. Feel sad for a moment. For what you lost. For him not being here any more.
  2. Be Thankful. Thank him for all the wonderful things he did for you. Count them. Say them out loud or just remember a couple.
  3. Be Bold and Conquer. Now, you can be powerful. You can amaze yourself and others with this tiny thing that now you can do! Wow! You are amazing. Gold star!

I know it’s tough. I’m with you. I get it. But you can do it. Try something small. If you can’t do it and it’s too hard, ask for help. Your family and friends want to help and they are just waiting for you to give them a specific job.

If you want to join me and a group of others who are mothering through loss, come on over to our Facebook group called Guiltless Grace. Click here to find us.

Hugs,

Whitney

Survival Guide Specialist